Not Me! Monday! Noobie

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This is my first "Not Me! Monday!" post...bear with me, please.
I mean, I'll probably pull it off great because, like you, I'm freakin'
perfect, but would you be patient nonetheless? Thnx. :)

It was not me who TOTALLY copy-catted off her friend
Bethany and joined MckMama's blog carnival...

Also, not me, who copy-catted AGAIN and outright stole
her little sister's cool blog ideas and even used the same picture
when playing at http://www.picnik.com.

Nope, not me who would EVER sit in a kitchen full of
dirty dishes at 3pm after having served scrambled eggs
(with peppers and mushrooms) to my children for lunch at 2pm
(they slept in...there's no school...sheesh!
who wakes their kids up just to feed them at a reasonable
hour? Insanity!) and blog instead of cleaning up.

It would never be me who would tell sweet, handsome
and wonderful 9 year old son to just eat the dang eggs
and quit picking out the peppers and mushrooms that he hates so.
For, we all know, that I AM the type of mother who ALWAYS
makes all of your favorites, regardless of what is in the fridge
needing to be cooked, so that life is forever deliciously happy.

I would also NEVER argue with my five year old niece
about her drop-off point at her school which she goes
to EVERY day and insist that "I'm right" while dropping her off
for the first time ever, because I'm so logical and adult
during which she's adamantly shaking her little
rubber-booted feet while strapped into the booster seat
telling me repeatedly to "go around the curve"
which just happened to be the opposite side of the
building to drop her off.

It was not me who ignored her polite sighs and
repeated protests that I was gonna make her late.

It will NEVER be me to admit that she was totally right and
I had, indeed, made her 15 minutes late and her sweet teacher
was still standing in the cold waiting to get her.
We love you Mrs. Lawrence!

It was SO not me that remembered ex post facto
her father telling me weeks and weeks ago
when we arranged this whole Auntie-Drop-Off-Fiasco
that her drop off door was NUMBER 13 and not
number 7 where we spent 15 minutes trying to unload
the little smarty-pants.

It was not me who prayed in Jesus' Holy Name that her toddler
would, "please God" not wake up in the middle of the night
and puke his bed full of spaghetti and meatballs
which his older brother was also lying in
after he briefly complained about a tummy-ache before going to bed.
(He didn't puke! Thank you Jesus!)

Not me who instructed much older, much larger
9 year old brother with "Eli, hit him back!" if his sweet, little,
TERRORIST of a 4 year old brother even dared to lay another body
part on him in ANY fashion at any future given point in their
conflict-rife lives EVER AGAIN. (This after their
15 ga-billioneth squabble for the weekend where Isaac,
aka 4 year old, uses his body Kamikaze style to exact punishment
on his larger, older, smarter, more-controlled,
in-trouble-less-often brother.)

It was not me that fed the dog a huge chunk of warm
chicken because he was sitting there looking at me
really fluffy and cute and was the ONLY
living being in the house not eating away at my brain
with their noises BEFORE I fed my family.

It is not me who justifies near daily toaster pastry
consumption *read PopTart* by aforementioned noisy children
as healthy because they're organic and from Whole Foods.

Again, not me, who knowingly dumped all of the exotic jelly bean
flavors together in a nice tidy cup and threw out the handy guide
telling which were yummy and which were, well, likely to be gross...
all to get rid of original, big, bulky box.

Not me who wouldn't let 9 year old son immediately spit out what
was very likely a Habenero flavored jelly bean
even when his eyes began to tear and he started to
cough, uncontrollably, because he was lying in MY bed
watching a movie on Family Movie Night.
(Go spit that junk out in the bathroom for
Pete's Sake!)

Lastly...it was not me who put their 4 year old in a night time diaper
instead of underwear for the day because all of EVERYONE'S
underwear, I do mean, ALL of it, was in the dirty laundry.
Oh, and you would never find me wearing my hubbie's
LAST pair of Fruit of the Looms because
of the same reason. That would be SCANDALOUS.

I can't believe all of the complete slacker moms
that there are out there!