Not Me Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by
MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what
she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This is NOT what my children are doing RIGHT NOW after
we set a less TV goal for summer ....
(in our defense Eli is sick which was one of our outs.)

This is not my hand spraying Redi -Whip into the
4 year old's mouth after he asked so nicely for me to do it while
he rummaged through the fridge.
I do NOT have such unwholesome, chemically processed
foods available in my house.
(Look, you can actually see his mouth fill up in the shot series!)

This is NOT my ill (3 and 1/2 solid weeks of stomach flu,
then strep then an ear infection...gads) 10 year old TOTALLY
getting the shaft with the spontaneous Redi-Whip dispersal
(Look, you can so see his mouth NOT filling up in the photo series).

(The can is truly not empty
because my husband suggestively showed up with it during
one of my showers this week (HEY, we're married, cope!).
I mean, what does he not think
it is...his birthday or something?
OH, dang...wait... (Oooohhhh!
Whose gonna be FORTY this week?))

I did NOT type that last bit "under my breath"
in a small font to make it like I didn't
really type it at all. I will NOT remember
that Matt's grandma and co-workers
occasionally read this blog. I am
NOT grinning wickedly right now.

This is not my stupid carpet cleaner after I did NOT drop a
STUPID smoothie on the kitchen floor on Saturday which
SHOT LIKE HELL (I did NOT just type shot like hell)
across the entire kitchen into the livingroom creating
a GARGANTUAN mess of ooze and stick
which I did NOT decide to ignore and go ahead across the street
to the yard sale with my 4 year old because he had a whole,
big 50 cents burning a hole in his little pocket.
The STUPID but insidously yummy smoothie recipe is not in my
first appearance as a guest blogger
on my gym's website. You can NOT go look at it here...

I have NOT decided to break up with cheese in an attempt
to promote my weight loss goals for the summer.
I most certainly do NOT love and
adore all cheeses. I have NOT become addicted to grilled
sandwiches made with drunken goat cheese.
I do NOT need cheese rehab.

My new best friend is NOT all the lovely nectarines
that are currently in season, right, blessedly, now. My new
relationship with nectarines is NOT
really helping me get over my tryst with cheese.
(It would be SO NICE if cheese would just stop calling me.
I told cheese that it was me, not him
but he doesn't believe me.) I am NOT personifying
my relationships with
food. I'm NOT completely CRAZY...