Make a memory...

Dear God, I know I've been complaining A LOT lately about all
the things that I have to do. You know I've been wishing for a
pause button for my life, a chance to just...slow...down.

I understand that very often you hear me thinking about
how I want to freeze every...little...moment with my kids and I
want to remember...OH, GOD, how I want to remember
every...little...thing. It flies by...our life...before I can even blink.

I'm scared...scared I won't make enough memories to remember.
-Scared I won't have played enough, laughed enough, loved enough...

Then, I think, "I must do MORE."
Bake more cookies, make more crafts
(okay some crafts...they are boys afterall),
tickle more, talk more, play more, read more...
more, mORe, MORE.
I do this until all MY expectations for my own mothering
are teetering, dangerously, above me
and begin to topple...crumbling in.

OVERWHELMED.

I am forever behind...behind on things I love like
cooking, blogging and writing...behind on things I don't love
like laundry, cleaning and repairing...behind on things
that drive me crazy like my recent attempt at
some graduate work that's, sadly, just plain necessary.

I'm tired, God...tired of running and chasing and catching up
but you know that. I know I need to back away from life.
You KNOW I need to back away from life and concentrate on
things that matter like prayer and studying your word and
making moments with my kids...

SO, today, the world is actually freezing, right as I type.
Mother nature is hitting the pause button,
pretty dang HARD, across 30 some odd states.

Lord, please be with us all, keep people safe and
help ME use this...time...wisely.

One of my sweet mother's favorite sayings is,
"Make a memory." Help me, God, to do
just that. I want to make a memory with those
two little boys you've let me borrow and with you,
Holy Father...I want to spend some time with you.
Help me use this deep freeze to thaw out my mind and soul
and give it back to you. My heart is all yours.

Amen.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart
and with all your soul and with all your mind."
Matthew 22:37